「LOVE_ver.you」
Joawe / 焦澄
29/01/2020 | letters | 11 minute read
no.
不
i never loved you.
我不曾爱过 你
i love love.
我爱的是 爱
you love love, dearly, too.
你亦深爱着 爱 本身
we thought we found love between us / outward but,
我们曾以为我们终于觅得 爱的定义 在那逾越了具身边界的场域
guess what?
但不 爱 早在那处逗留等待多时
love is already there.
它一直都在
love, ॐ Om-ni-presents itself.
爱 呢喃自叙其身
love doesn’t care.
爱 不屑知晓众予其之无尽歌颂与追逐
it is love, that unites us, that draws us closer, so we feel it,
是爱将我们连结 将我们靠近 于是我们抚触 感知 了解
but love itself,
但爱本身
never cared.
从未在乎众予其之无尽歌颂与追逐
i wish the people i love to pursue what THEY think that LOVE is, to THEM.
我渴望人们去寻觅ta们自我定义下的爱
don’t listen to me. don’t pursue me.
勿听 勿仿 任何其ta 版本的定义
寻觅更大的爱 请勿在寻觅个人和自我里徘徊
listen to your heart beat. listen to 「love_ver.you」 with the volume「love_vol.you」.
去聆听你内心的那静悄悄的真心话 最自我版本的爱 最静谧抑或引吭响亮的爱
go love, but bigger, deeper, and further.
去寻觅 大爱 更深更远地
if they also happen to love me, that’s sweet, too.
当然啦 如果你在寻觅大爱的漫漫旅途中恰逢遇见甚至爱上了我
那也很甜蜜呀
yet never needed.
可并非必要
in a sense,
如此说来
i am never a lover,
我从来也不可能是一个 爱人
and I never longed to be one.
我甚至也不渴求成为一个 爱人
i prioritise my mission of manifesting what love is to people, over my receiving it.
我已将 把爱之穗的播种与耕耘 陈酿与细品 视作我一生的追逐
这甚至有着使命感一般的任务 让我明白它高于我一切自我的浪漫享受
and the results of manifestation of love, should be absolutely unalloyed, pure, pristine.
而 爱之穗的播种与耕耘 陈酿与细品
理应全程完全饱受呵护 不掺杂任何杂思冗念
i wish the like-minded people in a positive-sum system,
我渴求一个正和同道者的体系
to freely pursue love and to have their very own unique interpretations of it.
让那些追逐大爱的人 真正掌握对不同形式的 不同版本的 爱 的定义
彻头彻尾的自由阐释和表达权
if their interpretations ever interfered by me / mine,
reading guide
This piece is called「LOVE_ver.you」. I wrote in both English and Chinese. When I wrote it, my mind was speaking in English so it was initially all in English. Here are a few things I would love to point out:
1. You may notice that all letters are not capitalised instead of the LOVE in the very last paragraphs. This was done on purpose - the first "love" appearing in the first paragraphs represents the "eros" love, which is purely romantic and sexual, not as big as something that makes you feel that you are set free. Hence "love" rather "LOVE".
2. The first letters of each paragraph are not capitalised. This is a nod to the concept of decentralising and decolonising the power dynamic in English words, by not using capital letters - a concept inspired by Bayer (under the influence of Bauhaus). I think this is important particularly in this piece because I would love to address the equality of all kinds of loves - eros, agape, storge, etc...They are all equally crucial to human experience. Hence a representation in the letter style.
3. You may notice that all the words "love" are written just as "love" (with the letter l not being capitalised), until the very last paragraph(s). This is to literally (letter-ly?) indicate that my own understanding of what love is has, at that point, changed. That I know there could be something way bigger and beyond what the spectrum of love could be like. Hence "LOVE", all capitalised.
4. In the Chinese translation, you may see a few “ta”. In the Chinese language, unfortunately, we don't have gender-neutral pronouns such as they/them. Instead, we use Latin letters to represent them. So don't feel confused about why there are Latin letters popping up in the Chinese.
5. You may notice "grammar mistakes", such as the following:
LOVE don’t care. --- I use “don't” because LOVE here I see as a collection of various forms, gender-neutral, and plural.
爱 不屑知晓众予其之无尽歌颂与追逐
they are LOVE, that unite us, that draw us closer, so we feel them, --- I use “unite” instead of “unites”, “draw” instead of “draws”, for the same reasons as above.
是爱将我们连结 将我们靠近 于是我们抚触 感知 了解
but LOVE themselves --- I use “themselves” instead of “itself”, for the same reasons as above.
但爱本身...
若ta 们的阐释与表达曾因我的存在而受到影响
i then failed to be a guard of a welcoming passage, a trip uplifter, a love messenger,
我则愧为这条道的守路人 愧为ta们扬升的支持后盾 愧为爱的呓语者
or, essentially, me.
我则愧对我的本真内核
so, no.
不
i never loved you.
我不曾爱过 你
i love LOVE.
我爱的是 爱
LOVE, ॐ Om-ni-present themselves.
爱 呢喃自叙其身
LOVE don’t care.
爱 不屑知晓众予其之无尽歌颂与追逐
they are LOVE, that unite us, that draw us closer, so we feel them,
是爱将我们连结 将我们靠近 于是我们抚触 感知 了解
but LOVE themselves
但爱本身
never cared.
从未在乎众予其之无尽歌颂与追逐
once you have a taste of LOVE,
于是你终究会尝到大爱的滋味 哪怕一口
you not only become part of them but,
你也会瞬间感化成为ta的一份子
you are them, which makes all the difference.
你 即是 爱
亘古也迭新 不能再往常
so, no.
所以
don’t set out to seek to be loved.
不要渴求 被爱
or chase love.
抑或追逐爱
but,
be LOVE.
去成为（就） 爱
(…and I promise you taste good :P)
（你便是爱的滋味，我早就知道你一定尝着很甜 :P）
about Joawe / 焦澄 (she/her/hers)
Creator of herSelf. Essential damns giver. Angry gatekeeper. Curious female gazer. Anxious keyboard player. #MeTooChina advocate.
Joawe is recently into dancing weirdly in public space, reading love letters out loud in London tubes, and exploring alternative forms of human relations beyond something romantic or sexual.